


i can't believe that we're all so grown

by rae_of_sunshine0



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, POV Kevin Day, basically just a bunch of scenes from the books from kevin's pov, i wouldn't call this angst but its not fluffy either, yes this does have the baltimore scene in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26777449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rae_of_sunshine0/pseuds/rae_of_sunshine0
Summary: "Kevin’s first thought was that he was fast. Fast for a striker who had only been playing a year. Neil Josten moved like the only thing he stood to gain was winning the game, which, looking at the score, wasn’t likely to happen."Or, Kevin's understanding of Neil and Nathaniel Wesninski.
Relationships: Kevin Day & Neil Josten
Comments: 20
Kudos: 69





	i can't believe that we're all so grown

**Author's Note:**

> title from grown by soccer mommy
> 
> ahhh i've been staring at this for too long and i just need to post it.

Kevin’s first thought was that he was fast. Fast for a striker who had only been playing a year. Neil Josten moved like the only thing he stood to gain was winning the game, which, looking at the score, wasn’t likely to happen.

“That’s it. He’s the one.”

-

The flight was long, with a fidgeting Andrew at the window seat and Coach Wymack taking the aisle. Wymack doubted Kevin’s choice at first, but they were running out of time to find a new striker sub after what happened to Janie Smalls.

“I can make him better. I know he’s only played for a year, but he has potential,” Kevin had said to Wymack. Eventually, he caved, trusting Kevin’s judgment.

Now, they were walking into the Millport Dingos’ locker room, and Kevin desperately hoped he was right.

Kevin and Andrew were to wait in the lounge while Wymack greeted Neil. Coach Hernandez thought it would be better that way, to not scare the kid off with Kevin’s notoriety; anyone who knew anything about exy knew who Kevin was. He took a seat on the edge of the entertainment center while Andrew went around the corner to stand by the doorway. He picked up a racket along the way and twirled it in his hands idly; Kevin didn’t understand why.

Andrew must have gathered that from the look on Kevin’s face. He gave him a two fingered salute and a mocking grin and continued towards the door.

The sound of feet running down the hallway caught Kevin’s attention, but Andrew was already there, swinging the racket into who Kevin presumed to be Neil Josten. He seemed shorter than Kevin remembered. Neil crumpled to the ground, wheezing.

“God damn it Minyard, this is why we can’t have nice things.”

“Oh Coach, if he was nice, he wouldn’t be any use to us, would he?”

Kevin couldn’t find it in himself to disagree.

-

The plane ride back to Palmetto the next morning was silent, but Kevin returned to the stadium in time to see a signed contract in Wymack’s inbox. He knew then that he made the right choice.

-

His blue eyes made Kevin’s stomach stir. He pushed the familiar feeling down and continued drinking.

-

Kevin wasn’t sure whether he was more surprised to be seeing Riko again, or hearing Neil come to his defense. He didn’t expect so much fire to come from the new recruit. Neil’s sharp words were at odds with his previously tame personality, but really, Kevin should have known better. With the way he played, it was only a matter of time before that fierceness bled through. Kathy’s ratings had to be skyrocketing.

-

He knew that this night would be a shitshow before it even happened, but the Ravens and the Foxes being assigned the same table set their fate in stone. Neil’s antagonism didn’t take him by surprise this time — he was becoming notorious for his quick mouth. Jean, however, was a different story.

“Riko will have a few minutes of your time later. I suggest you speak with him if you do not want everyone to know you are the Butcher’s son.”

Kevin’s blood went cold. His heart dropped like a stone in water and his limbs were frozen. The words ‘the Butcher’s son’ bounced around his head, looking for something to cling on to. It didn’t make sense. Nathaniel Wesninski disappeared nearly ten years ago, and no one had heard anything about him since then. Neil was pushing him back with a hand to the chest, away from the table, so hard he almost fell.

“That’s not true.” It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. How could it?

“Shut up. Don’t say anything else.” Neil’s harsh French told Kevin everything he needed to know.

The Foxes were moved to a new table, a futile effort to prevent another major catastrophe. Kevin grabbed Neil’s chin, turning his face towards his own. Searching. Searching for the truth, for Nathan’s face, for Mary’s face. For Nathaniel’s. The hair and the eye color was different but it was there; Nathan’s face was burned into Kevin’s memory after watching him slice a man to pieces eight years ago, so it wasn’t hard to see it in Neil’s. Kevin remembered the trips to Eden’s, the blue eyes that he now realized matched the Butcher’s.

Kevin opened his mouth to say something, but Neil beat him to it.

“No, Kevin. Not here. You and I will talk tomorrow.”

He drank too much vodka that night, maybe subconsciously hoping he could forget what he learned.

-

“You aren’t really him,” Kevin mumbled. “Tell me you aren’t Nathaniel.” Kevin noticed Neil’s flinch at the name, but he felt no remorse. He needed to know.

“Don’t call me that. It doesn’t matter who I used to be. I’m Neil now.”

“It’s not that simple,” Kevin said, getting frustrated. It couldn’t be that simple. The Moriyamas wouldn’t allow it. They knew where the long lost Nathaniel was, and now they would come to take him back, either for their own benefit, or to hand him over to Neil’s father. Neil would be dead by the end of the year and that realization hit Kevin like a sack of bricks. “Why are you here?”

So Neil explained. He explained how his mother had died and he had nothing left and he just wanted to hold on to the one good thing left in his miserable shitty life. Kevin told him he was an idiot and described how Neil was tied to the Moriyamas, how he was supposed to play for the Ravens.

Thinking back to the day Kevin first saw Neil’s tape, he could see the resemblance between the striker and Nathaniel, the back liner. They had the same ruthless edge, though Neil’s were a bit more sharp, broken and chipped by years on the run.

“I’m going to be sick,” Neil said.

“Nathaniel, wait-“

This time he regretted saying that name.

“Don’t call me that!” Neil shouted. “I can’t be this,” he said after a moment. He didn’t sound like his usual self. He sounded lost, broken. Worn down and worn out.

They argued back and forth. To run or not to run? To stay, to fight, to still end up dead at the end of the year? They both knew the likelihood of escaping the Moriyamas. Kevin still thought he should leave, holding on to hope that Neil would have better odds. He didn’t care that their team would be down a striker and disqualified from the NCAA. This was more important. Kevin also knew that Neil wouldn’t want to give up on exy a second time.

“I don't want to run. I don't want to be a Raven. I don't want to be Nathaniel. I want to be Neil Josten. I want to be a Fox. I want to play with you this year and I want us to make it to championships. And in spring when the Moriyamas come for me I'll do what they're so afraid I will. I'll go to the FBI and tell them everything. Let them kill me. It'll be too late by then.” Kevin both resented and admired Neil’s stubbornness.

“You should be Court,” he said when the pause in the conversation became too much. Kevin didn’t mean for it to sound like a farewell, but he couldn’t help it.

“Will you still teach me?”

“Every night.” It was the least he could do.

-

He tried to tell himself that this wasn’t goodbye, that Neil would be back in two weeks, but as he watched Matt’s truck drive towards the airport, Kevin found that impossible to believe. Riko may have had to hold back on Kevin, but Kevin knew how cruel he could be. Neil would be his new toy, for when he got bored of Jean.

 _Jean_. Jean could help.

He typed out the message to Neil slowly. Kevin may not have been able to stop Neil from leaving, but maybe he could make the trip easier. The thought made him chuckle. _As if anything in the Nest is ever easy_ , Kevin thought to himself.

-

There were so many bandages. On his hands, his legs, his neck. His face. On his cheekbone rested a bandage that was cleaner than the rest and should have never been there in the first place.

Neil’s hair was different too, and the blue eyes had made a comeback. He was the spitting image of Nathan Wesninski. Kevin could tell by the way that he kept his eyes trained on the floor that Neil thought so too.

Kevin handed the binder back to Neil, pretending it was a Christmas present, and promised that he didn’t look.

-

Everything was fine. The Foxes had just won against the Binghamton Bearcats. Everyone had pulled out all the stops tonight — even Andrew had started talking to the defense. Kevin wasn’t sure why he cared all of a sudden.

Nothing was wrong. Except Neil was looking at his phone and Neil never looks at his phone. Nothing was wrong except when Wymack corralled the team to the bus, a riot had already started in the parking lot.

 _Nothing was wrong_ , except Neil’s duffel sat abandoned on the sidewalk.The reflective white lettering stood out, alone in the backdrop of the dark stadium parking lot. As Kevin got closer, he could see the orange background, stained with mud from wandering footprints.

Kevin hoisted the bag onto his shoulder and turned around to look at Andrew. He stood there with his arms crossed but there was no discernible expression in his face. Kevin knew what he was thinking anyway; they were thinking the same thing, after all. _Neil wouldn’t willingly let go of this._

They walked back to the bus in silence, and Kevin tried not to think about what that meant. Tried. He wasn’t successful. When they got back to the bus, Kevin saw his teammates perk up in hopes that they found their missing fox; their expressions deflated when they realized what he was carrying. Remembering that he saw Neil on his phone earlier, after the game, Kevin reached into the pocket on Neil’s bag and grabbed it.

“0.” From a 410 number -- Baltimore.

His face must have betrayed him. “Where is he?” Andrew said.

-

There were even more bandages this time. And another one on his cheekbone. Neil’s face had the hollow, sunken look of someone who didn’t get any sleep.

As soon as Kevin's other teammates caught sight of Neil, they began shouting, but all Kevin could do was watch — observing, analyzing, trying to get any other information he could.

“Listen up, people. You’ve got twenty minutes. Let’s keep it orderly and only have one person at a time,” the FBI agent said. Kevin scoffed at that. That’s likely. The Foxes nearly lost one of their own, and now they had him back. They would be all over Neil.

When Dan protested, the look that spread across Neil’s face was almost pathetic. The other Foxes probably didn’t notice, but when he turned towards Kevin, it was all Kevin could see. _I don’t deserve this. I want this so bad it hurts._ His gaze then turned towards the rest of his teammates, scanning for damage from the riot. Kevin didn’t miss how Neil’s gaze lingered on his throat.

Neil started, “Where’s Andr-“

Andrew came crashing through the doorway. Somehow, between leaving with Coach to move the bus and now, the two had gotten themselves handcuffed together; Kevin had no doubt it was something Andrew did.

Kevin wasn’t an idiot. He also wasn’t as socially inept as everyone thought he was. When Andrew and Neil dragged each other down to kneel on the floor, Kevin could see the tension releasing from Neil’s shoulders, a drop of water trickling down his spine. He could see it in Andrew as well, in the way that his eyes softened and his jaw relaxed. Kevin had a feeling that something changed between the two -- it was quite obvious when they snuck up to the roof together after night practices -- and this all but confirmed it.

The two talked. In English at first, and then in German when the FBI agents got too curious. Something Neil said made Nicky flinch and Aaron curse. Kevin figured out why when Neil turned around.

Burns. All over the left side of his face, in little overlapping circles, covering what used to be a tattoo. Kevin flinched. Riko. He slapped a hand over his own ‘2’. Riko wouldn’t like this. In fact, he would be furious. After all his hard work to get the tattoo on Neil’s face in the first place, all it took was a simple burn to be rid of it.

Neil and Andrew ignored the others’ protests and Abby’s attempts to help. They talked some more, in German and Neil seemed to be getting more and more frantic until-

“You aren’t going anywhere.”

Oh, Andrew. He knew exactly what he was doing. The rest of the Foxes caught on and joined in.

“Take you away? To where?”

“You can’t have him!”

And then: “I don’t want to be Nathaniel anymore. I want to be Neil for as long as I can.”

-

Andrew and Neil were gone for the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday for questioning, but when they returned, Kevin saw a driver’s license with the name “Neil Abram Josten” on it. He knew what that meant. Neil wasn’t allowed to run anymore, but he didn’t have to hide either. He’d chosen to stand his ground, with his family behind him. Kevin was silently grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> obviously, most of this dialogue belongs to nora, but i just thought i'd state that here, just in case. 
> 
> i really tried not to rehash most of the dialogue and only put what was necessary, so i'm sorry if it feels kind of redundant at points. 
> 
> anyways, thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed this!


End file.
